Mysterium fidei

As Advent Approaches, I Reflect on Change

2011-11-23T10:22:00.001-08:00

2011 will be over soon. I'm now starting to reflect on my progress this year and the recent evolving change of the liturgy of the Mass. In 2010, I was confirmed at Easter as a Catholic, acknowledged by the Mass and RCIA. I've learned a lot about the history of the church and why our traditions make sense.

Recently, the Vatican is changing up the wording of the Mass. They aren't going back to the old ways and Latin traditions per se, but will be adapting a more accurate translation to opening dialog and the Nicene creed. The changes feel awkward, but I'm sure they'll feel natural in time.

As Advent approaches, I hope to have an open heart about what the Lord wants to reveal to me, what behaviors need self-reflection:

What sins should be confessed and dropped?
Should I become more involved in the community or church next year?
What can the Lord reveal to me about my marriage and the goals he has for me in life?

At the very least, once continuing education settles down, I'd like to devote more time to reading the bible, devotionals and historical fiction about my saint, Sir Thomas More (1478-1535).

I've had to sacrifice a majority of my time this year to improve my career and job skills, but hope to have to some more relaxed down time next year to let my spirit grow and enjoy life to the fullest. In 2012, I'd like to spend more time becoming more of a romantic, establish stronger male relationships, improve my relationship with my dad and go backpacking or hiking more to celebrate the wonderful Earth God lets us play in.

Oh and one last thing, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope time is cherished with family and loved ones.

Daily Prayer

2011-04-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

One of the things I'm trying to adapt lately is to do daily prayer. To commit to at least five minutes a day to prayer and see where that goes. I find I can get so busy in my daily life that I forget to set apart a little time to talk to God what's on my heart. If all goes well hopefully there will be some progress or transformation from increased communication with Father time.

Blessed be God,
Who has not turned away my prayer
Nor His loving kindness from me.
Psalm 66:20

The Sycamine Tree

2011-04-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed,
ye might say unto this sycamine tree,
Be thou plucked up by the root,
and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.
- Luke 17:6

I've been meditating about Jesus parable The Sycamine Tree lately. I'm trying to understand the root of unforgiveness and the bitterness that follows after betrayal, hurt, and broken trust.

The Sycamine tree grew in the Middle East and was able to grow 30 feet high as well as have deep roots in the ground. When the tree is allowed to be spread it poisons the earth around it. I believe Jesus was trying to tell his disciples that the tree may be so difficult to remove due to it's deep roots that it would be better to remove it and place it in the ocean never to grow again. The bitterness we hold within our selves end up hurting others and ruin our relationships with others.

He followed up the mustard seed saying that it doesn't take huge amounts of faith to deal with the pain of unforgiveness. Even a small amount will help heal and reconcile the hurt.

Lord, I pray if I'm harboring an unforgiveness towards another, that you root out the cause and allow love and acceptance to spring forth again. And surround my heart with love. I repent these feelings of unforgiveness.

Learning To Love

2011-03-06T20:41:00.000-08:00

People fall in love all the time, people get married, people have children, why is it so hard to sustain love? When you're in love it's easy to just go with it. I feel love truly gets tested when the "in love" phase passes and two people are left to discover how to truly love one another when the spark sizzles.

Often, I find it's hard to get out of my head to think "how will this affect this person?" "are my actions the best interest for us or am I just thinking for myself?" "am I loving the other person the way the Lord would want me to ?" or "am I loving my community and peers the way Jesus would love others?" To me that's love.

From what I'm learning, love has to be selfless, love has to be willing to sacrifice, love has to hang in there and strive onward and take care of the person in spite instead of putting the ego first. Love thinks of others first, then self last. That sacrifice takes heart, courage and endurance. I think that's why marriages don't last as long as they used to. People want quick gratification and self seek one's own interests and if it doesn't work they check out and repeat the cycle with someone new.

As my wife told me today "love is doing other things for the other person even if you feel you have better things to do."

I hope I will love first in everything I do so I know my life was lived by love like Jesus did.

I pray I will learn to love with a bigger heart and try to think of others needs first before mine.

Prayer Time

2011-01-24T16:25:00.000-08:00

One thing I would like to commit to this year is have a quiet time to meditate in scripture and prayer. Getting alone time with God is vital to our emotional and spiritual health. When Jesus was feeling overwhelmed and stressed with his burdens he would climb Mount of Olives and pour out his heart to his Father. I felt personally overwhelmed last week with stress and anxiety from the job. At my weakest, I opened up the bible and read the book of Psalms for uplifting scripture. I was amazed how I began to relax and feel encouragement with the Word. I think if I could find more time to steal away and pray my spiritual walk my benefit and grow.

1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV)

5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

A Spiritual Advent

2011-01-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

December was a spiritually uplifting month for me. My aunt who is Catholic recently moved in with my parents for a few months while she looks for a job in our city has encouraged my wife and I to attend church more. I went to church more in the last month than I have in the last six months. I felt closer to the Lord and felt more at peace during the 2010 holidays. It's uplifting when you feel drained or anxious that attending Mass can be uplifting and healing with peace. I hope to better at attending church this year and while try to do better and not skipping Mass because of running.

Running Eclipsed Sundays

2010-08-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

Running has eclipsed Sundays for me this year in terms of training for the two half-marathons I will have run by the beginning of September. Fortunately, we'll be switching our training days from Sunday to Saturday so I will finally be able to start attending again regularly. I really miss church on Sundays and that time of feeling received and glorying Him. I've felt I've slipped from the church after just getting confirmed this Easter and hope to renew my faith again. I've been working on praying more frequently, but ultimately, I need to get to church more often.

RCIA - Holy Week is here!

2010-03-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe seven months of Thursday nights have flown by. The RCIA team wasn't kidding when they said after the holidays the rest of the process flies by. It's now Holy Week ~ Triduum and the final celebration has began. I went to church yesterday for Palm Sunday and the liturgy reflected The Passion of Christ. It was a 2.5 hour service, but it was pretty seeing palms everywhere.

Thursday night I will be participating in Holy Thursday followed by Easter Vigil when I get confirmed as a Catholic Christian.

Good Friday, I plan on fasting until dinner to reflect what Jesus did for us in his final days.

I've had many questions at first about the faith and many got answered personally upfront in the inquiry so the process through the RCIA year has been for me learning about the church traditions and why sacraments and other areas of the Mass are important to the faith.

I feel like I've grown stronger as a Christian. That I've learned it's not all about me, it's about how I can share my faith with the Lord with others by being less selfish and noticing others. I used to be in my shell and didn't always volunteer to help others. From attending RCIA, I have learned it's important to be apart of the faith community and to help others that are in need.

Easter Vigil or Holy Saturday as they call it, I'm expected to attend a morning retreat at the church where we share what the journey has meant for us individually to the RCIA team. My task is to think of an object that reflects what I've been through and to bring it on Saturday. I haven't thought that completely through yet, but I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of how the process has shown me to become "others centered."

I haven't found my calling yet in the church, but would like to help out somehow. I don't know if I'll be joining Knights of Columbus, but maybe I could be an active participant or lead a bible study as a faith group during lent and advent seasons.

Easter Vigil is going to be one of the best days of my life. I can't wait.

RCIA - Midway through

2009-11-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

The RCIA process is now midway through. I can feel I'm growing as a person. I've been striving to step outside my ego and sense what someone else is feeling or needing before I put myself first. I wish I knew why it's so hard not to be selfish or a better listener, but I think a lot of it comes with patience. Through this process I've grown to have more respect for the Catholic faith. I admire their devotions to their sacred traditions and how they all tie back together to the gospel message and how Jesus's walk among us was so important in redefining us and his sacrifice so that our sins may be forgiven. We have to be reminded of what he did and who are as Christians to keep our faith strong.

I have a better understanding now of Mary and the Saints than I ever did before. I had many misconceptions about those two and was confused where I felt on those two subjects. I feel more confident now that they "Hail Mary" prayer isn't Mary worship, but rather admiring Mary for what she did on this Earth in raising Jesus and her vow of chastity after the birth of Christ. As to the Saints I've clearly learned that they were human too and had sins like me as well. They are the faces I see when I look around the church body. They strived so hard to put people first and see that God's kingdom was enhanced on Earth. I wouldn't be praying to them, I would only ask for help in a prayer because I know they are already in heaven and currently closer to God than I'm on this Earth.

I'm uncomfortable with the rosary, as it seems long and complex but maybe I'll look further into that in the future.

I still would like to know more about reconciliation, how important is it and often should I go. I'd like to learn more about what Catholics think of the rapture and what Purgatory is really all about. I'd also like to know how important days of obligation really are in observance.

I would like to learn what gifted talents I have in the church and try to get more involved if I can. I'm not really leaning towards Knights of Columbus, but I'm open to ideas.

RCIA

2009-09-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

It's now the month of September and that means it's time for to embark on my journey back to the Catholic faith. After careful consideration and spiritual counseling, I've made the personal decision to return to the Catholic faith.

I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby and grew up Catholic during my early childhood. I was uprooted at the age of 10 to the protestant church after my family converted over to protestant. I was very young at the time and wasn't really sure why I had to convert to a denomination of Christianity to continue my spiritual growth.

I became a strong charismatic Christian throughout my teens and early adulthood. It was until I met my wife that I really felt challenged in my faith. I had to defend my faith in high school when my friends put down being a christian but I held through.

During the early courting stage with my then Catholic girlfriend now wife, I found myself defending my self against the Catholic faith. I had many steriotypes about Catholics that had to be addressed and to make it fair to my girlfriend we attended both her church and my church.

We thought about doing interfaith as a marriage once we got more serious, but after meeting with both Catholic priest and Protestant pastor it was best decided that we be under one mantle, under one faith. I felt my self leaning strongly on the Catholic faith after I had been attending mass for a few years. I didn't enjoy myself in the protestant worship and began to enjoy the reverend awe of the Catholic church.

I faced scrutiny and chastisement from my family during the time I left their church, but I knew in my heart of hearts I had to go where I felt happy and where I could grow without inhibitions.

If dealt with the history of the past and am ready to embrace my bold future in the Catholic faith. I'm enrolled as a candidate in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) this Fall and will be confirmed Catholic during Easter Vigil 2010.

I'm enjoying the process so far and have had a close family friend agree to mentor me through the process as my sponsor. I look forward to this stage of spiritual development in my faith and seeing how far I can grow with time I face ahead. I'm also proud that my wife supports me fully in this process and possibly even my father who misses the Catholic church.

Resolving Mistrust with Prayer and Word

2008-07-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

I realize that the lack of faith that comes from one's views others is a lack of faith first in him self. Lately, I've felt I've been harboring resentment and fears of irrational outcomes that it's been causing disillusionment in my personal life.

I feel like I've been absent from the Lord in my busy life that I've been allowing my self to drift away. I may be undergoing a big test from the Lord without knowing it, but I just want to please him and find peace in my life.

I've never gone to a priest before, but I'm strongly considering visiting a priest for reconciliation. I still consider my self protestant, but I have been enjoying my self at my fiance's church and the service that fulfills my spirituality there.

I can't go in the next two weeks, but in the meantime I will build my self in prayer and in the Word and see where my path goes from there.

Devotional Experiment

2007-09-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling distant with the Lord lately.

To get back to peace and feeling the closeness of God's love, I'm going to start reading the bible every night before bed for two weeks and see what happens with my walk with God.

I keep saying I'll read the bible 3x a week... but never get around to it. So like one of my favorite phrases: "Some day is today,"

I'm going to initiate the readings and wait on Him.

I know God is at my core, I can't deviate far from the path before coming back to His care.

I'll check in a bit, after I've commited to reading the scripture nightly.

The Catholic and Christian Church

2007-04-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been attending Catholic masses because my girlfriend is Catholic. It's interesting as a non denominational Christian how different our services are. Theres seems so structured while ours is more open to whatever we feel would be good for our two hour block. I like knowing what's going to happen in Catholic church and the devotional time spent in prayer, yet at the same time I still love my charismatic worship in my Christian church.

Finding a healthy medium has definitely been a challenge, for attending both has certainly challenged our faith and made us stronger spiritually as a couple. We're still deciding what road to take, but at one point one of us should be converted in the relationship if we were to have kids one day. There's still a long way to go but for the time being apart of both churches is ok for us.

If anything it has reaffirmed my beliefs in my spirituality and solidified my preferences for God more and is allowing my spiritual gifts to develop as well as hers. As to what they are yet... I'm unsure, but I'm finding praying every night together is helping our communication and allowing God to watch over and guide our relationship. As well going increasing the services we go to weekly and the community events we take part in.

It feels so great to be alive in the spirit again. I can feel my spiritual muscles growing with my faith increasing!

Forgiveness

2007-01-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

I find it amazing when we have a strong spiritual connection with someone and how the Holy Spirit can give awareness and new growth to our lives.

A word my g/f and I got together recently was on forgiveness. I thought it was silly at first because I figured I've forgiven all those who have hurt me in the past and how much of a man I am now. In theory if there is still some doubt or resentment than we as believers did not forgive the person who tresspassed us to begin with.

Two bible verses I got this week. One was from my g/f:

Ephesians 4:9
32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

...and lastly I got Mark 11 from sunday's church service:

Mark 11
The Withered Fig Tree

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

More Than Conquerors

2006-12-13T13:39:00.001-08:00

We may be faced with powerful foes and rivals we see larger than life, but in reality the enemy is never stronger than our God in Heaven. God has called us to be his devine chosen people.

He loves us very much that he doesn't want to see us to fear the enemy, but to fear being disobedient to him. He builds us to be mighty warriors for him!

Having faith in the lord emboldens our confidence and wields us to face the daily battles of life that wage our way to test our courage and integrity.

We are more than conquerors!

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j] who[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

The Ministry of Harvesting and Planting Seeds

2006-12-08T09:56:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest challenges I've found when talking about my faith in Christianity with non-believers is their density to see my line of logic. When I was in India, I could minister with the uneducated and simple minded Banjaran people who are have been used to their customs for 2000 years. Sure, they may have 32,000 Gods and worship everything around them, but they are still spiritually hungry looking for the true most powerful God.

Back at home, the soil is even tougher. Most of my friends and colleagues are college graduates. Somehow during high school/college my friends took psychology and science classes that taught them that we evolved from monkeys and not from the Creator. Their minds became individualistic and they branched away from their parents or bloodline's beliefs.

Part of my training in the missionary field is preparing myself to be able to debate theologically with the mental blocks of my close ones who refuse to see the truth. In my past, I've opted out not to share my faith because we'd always end in arguments that caused strife and rifts in the friendship, but I'd like to repatch that hurt and see more fruit. I'm coming to the point where I just have to accept my friends and close ones will only be able to see the light when they are open and ready to listen to.

I've been told it takes an average of 9 times of hearing the Gospel message to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Wow.

The one thing you can't do in Heaven is share Jesus with those down on Earth. The best present solution is to keep planting seeds.

Isaiah 60:21
Then will all your people be righteous
and they will possess the land forever.
They are the shoot I have planted,
the work of my hands,
for the display of my splendor.

...And So I Devote to God

2006-12-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Refueled and rewired from my missionary trip to India, I've set out to began weekly if not daily devotions to the Lord. My purpose is to guide my intuition and learning of the scripture and dig into the holiest book. I'll be searching for deeper meanings than I ever have the last 16 years of my walk with Jesus and hopes of one day helping others encourage their walk with the great Lord.

I'm no theology major or C.S. Lewis great writer, but I'll humbly post my thoughts and wonders backed by scripture. More to come.